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If there's two things people are attached to it's sports and religion, and
since all sports kickass except for soccer and women's basketball I've decided to review religions. Feel free to use
these as a guide to point your life in the right direction. I've spent minutes extensively studying and learning about
all the different ways us crazy Homo Sapien Sapiens view existance. So I'm going to start out with one that is almost
sane in it's beliefs.
BUDDHISM
Now this religion is what I call progressive. It doesn't use the showmanship
of Chrisitanity with their resurrection and all that or the scare tactics of Islam. This religion is like your neighborhodd
bar, it's friendly and welcoming and has a big fat guy that runs the whole thing.
The thing Buddhism does right is it has a big fat man for its icon.
Not an omniscient power, not a long haired hippy who wears sandals. For all we know John Candy could've been Buddha
in disguise. He's believeable that's what I'm getting at. Fat people have power at the buffet line and who says
they can't have power in the universe.
The followers in this religion aren't fanatical either. If you pass
a Buddhist on the street with your Holy Bible hanging out your back pocket they won't shoot you on site. They politely
smile and keep walking knowing you're wrong and soon will have an eternity of suffering.
Buddhist monks, that's all that needs to be said. They are cool,
they're bald and according to The 3 Ninjas and other fine martial arts films I have viewed all Buddhist monks know kung fu.
What does a priest know? That little Timmy down the street is home alone from 5 P.M. to 8 P.M.?
Buddhism doesn't have holidays where you try to desperately repair the broken
bond between your family and you because you slipped your mom sleeping pills, stole her car, crashed it into a tree, and then
ruthlessly shot an old hobo walking down the street who turned out to be your long lost grandpa, by giving them a sweater
or a new CD.
The problem is Buddhists don't kill anything, not bugs, not small furry creatures,
not even someone who keeps poking you in the arm. So if everyone was Buddhist bugs would rule the land and their decrees
of insanity would have to be followed.
THE JUDGEMENT
Although Buddhism makes a damn good try at being a religion, it falls short
like all the others. The backstory ain't too entertaining. No wars, or holy journeys just some prince doing some
shit I can't remember. Buddhist monks kickass and are the best practitioners of any religion. This doesn't save
them though, because if everyone was Buddhist the world would fall to the Arthropodic Empire of Doom.
Grade of religion: D
Grade of religious icon: C | 